The power of goodbye!

I thought about a lot of things every day. Some days I was not sure that I could shut my mind off. I thought about my wrongs, my rights, the things that I have let slip through the cracks and the things that I have held onto in my life. 

I have single handedly let relationships that meant the most to me self destruct. I stood by, I passed the blame and I just let them all fade away like a rose fades away, slowing losing the petals that it worked so hard to grow..They faded like the colors the red to the black... Some to return and others to not.. I didn’t have that choice once they were gone.

Sometimes I thought about all  the lessons that I have learned, trying my best to embrace those lessons. I try my best to keep the good and send the bad out the window with the wind.  Part of me feels that this is what we are all meant to do with the little bit of life that we have.

Life is for living, dwelling on the “what could have been” takes that away from us. It locks us in a place of fallacy and despair. We fail at these times to see the blessings in goodbye.  Wanting what you can’t have, what you don’t need isn’t living. It’s an effervescing feeling that we keep at bay with excuses. Just excuses. 

We develop crutches. Crutches to shield us to take the weight off of our journey, and allow us for an escape plan. If others think we are handicapped than its easier to never give our all to anything.

I wondered if I am incapable of real love. I wondered if I will ever give my all to any one person in the world, If I will be content.  I wondered if I will ever just learn to embrace what is given instead of always looking for more.

That is my ultimate challenge. To learn that I am not my own enemy and that I have what I am looking for right in front of me in the mirror.

No crutches. 

No excuses.

No lies.

It’s easy when you have fear to run from yourself. It’s easy when you have fear to focus on your doubts.  But when you run from what you are unsure of you are left with those regrets yet again.

I am done running.

I finally have a chance here in my life to give into my fears once and for all and make love work for me. I have a chance to give my heart and all that I have to someone that has decided to willingly love me even though I have made mistakes in the past.

I finally have the chance to change. The chance to run and fly and sing and smile without everything from the past returning to remind me of who I couldn’t be back then..

It took solitude to get here. It took months and months alone letting go... but I did it..

I never want to go back to that place of fallacy and despair.

No crutches.

No excuses.

No lies.

Even some friendships are not friendships they are reminders of the past, a time that we have to let go of to move forward.  And it’s sad, but we have to forgive and forget and keep walking our path in life.

I wish this for you.  I wish for you to let  go of your fear and give into who you are and who you are meant to be!

Never be sad for goodbyes, they made you stronger. They gave you opportunities to make it right for yourself.  And it gave you a chance to love and be loved.

Let go of the crutches

Let go of the excuses

And never live with the lies.

After all, that’s what we really want in the end!