I’m sure by now you are all wondering what all of this mindless rambling is really about, why is this blog called the single project and what does that mean? Have you ever been in love? Of course you have! Have you ever had your heart broken? Of course you have!
Have you ever stopped and looked at your life and all that you have been through and thought… maybe it’s me? Of course you have! If you’re an honest person, you’ll always end up with some of the blame for anything that you go through in life. WHY? Well that’s an easy one to answer too…responsibility, humility, respect for yourself, these characteristics allow you to look at situations objectively see how certain actions contributed to the undesirable outcome.
I don’t know if I can really pin point the moment that I realized my faults were leading me down this road of endings. Quite frankly, I am hesitant to do so. I would suppose the main factor contributing to my said demise is; I have such a tendency to get wrapped up in the situation that I often neglect the obvious things that are happing right before my eyes. I see red flags and warning signs, but instead of dealing with the problems at hand I just sweep them under the rug!
People tell me flat out what I am doing wrong and I choose to ignore it and tell them to mind their own business.
I have said it all and had it all said to me. I’ve heard “you’ll miss me, you’ll regret this, and you did this too”. Sadly enough I have said the exact things in response to those that I have loved along the way. I have just as many excuses for running away when the going gets tough; it’s easier than admitting that you’re a jerk and that you’re wrong.
It’s actually funny now looking back on my life! I often wonder why I am where I am and why the answer isn’t easy to find. Maybe the truth is that I don’t want to look. The answer is a challenge, a challenge that leaves me facing things that I don’t want to face, choosing to dust off the box of foreign memories and bad reminders in search of a long lost key! Then deciding to use that key and open the closet that is full of skeletons from the long gone and far too recent past.
Does that sound like progress?
Not traditionally! We’ve all been programmed to think and say the same things... “Let the past go, don’t live in the past, and let it rest, let it lie… “
I am going to disagree with all of the conventional thoughts, feelings and traditions for now. I am starting to believe that if I am really going to make a change in my life, I need to embrace that past instead of hide from it. If it’s all locked away and it’s being laid to rest and forgotten about then I continue to head down that same road of broken hearts and shattered endings.
I think it’s time for me to really take a HUGE time out and open this closet and start to let go of what’s locked away. I need to clean it out! And when I do this I could find the courage to start looking at patterns, people and things that I have yet to let go of and heal. Then just maybe I will be able to finally find that new road, the road that ends in forever!
I don’t believe that time heals all wounds. I have so many emotions hiding inside that have been there for years. I have yet to make peace with them, instead I locked them all away and thought “they will all just go away”! OH how wrong I was!
Everyone closest to me will agree that I need time and space to really sort out what it is that I want and who the hell it is that I am really missing or haven’t made peace with! So, they all came together and they came up with a solution. My friends and my family challenged me to be single.
No boyfriends, no more rebounds.
They challenged me too finally after 3 years get my head on straight.
The reason: I need to be alone so that I will stop tying myself emotionally to men and start to move forward. I need to finally begin to embrace who I am as a person and stop creating myself for someone else. (It’s not that I need someone to complete me, I do that all of my own, I know I am a special person and I have a lot to offer. My problem is that I give too much of myself for those that I love. I put them first and push back what I want in life.)
I had no choice but to I accepted the challenge.
I am to be single for 6 months.
Some people will think 6 months sounds pretty short and simple, but to those that know me... 6 months is a challenge…
I rather enjoy long relationships where I can build trust and comfort. It is true for me to say I always have a boyfriend.
This blog will be my thoughts about what I am feeling! I will try to keep them as fun as I can! I want people to enjoy reading it! I don’t want it to be a place where I sit and complain. I want it to be a place I where I can reflect and write exactly what I am going through. I want my thoughts to be known so here I will leave them!
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